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Beyond The End

from Broken Bone Ballads by Ceschi

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about

for Rob Koziura & all of us who love & miss him

lyrics

Winter froze our crooked fingers into praying hands
at a January funeral for a sweet faced man.
When we pulled black suits out of closets once again
and squeezed our fatter bodies into them
to carry a casket through a catholic parade
full of tissues and condolences
till a priest spoke your name.
In a mundane way he prayed,
claiming you were in a better place.
I'm not convinced but hope that it's the case.

When springtime arrives and melts away the snow around your grave,
I'll still remember you in 10th grade
with a teenage smirk,
disc-man,
works of Richard D. James.
That image will stay burnt onto my brain.

I'll miss you like our younger days.
We'll miss you like our younger days.
Before grays started showing our age
Attempting to love life as much as you did.
Won't remember you painted in a box.
Not a cliché at a wake.
Not a tear drop.

Not a cliché.
Not a tear drop.
Not a cliché.
Not a tear drop.
You are forever.


Mother's house is covered in your photographs.
Every angle of your face,
every age,
every hair style phase
and we puffy eyed droogs
huddle in her memorial gallery
for the first of our gang to pass beyond the galaxy.
Tangled in uncomfortable laughs
masking the cracks in speaking voices.
Unable to come to terms with the fact that you won't be back.
As much as we dream of reviving you,
right now we don't know how to react
or where to find you.
We'd fight for you.
We'd break bones,
bite through stone,
and punch holes directly into the depths of the unknown
till our fists turned bloody red
but today we're sitting in silence
without a life to defend.
Lost without our friend.
And I'm at a loss for words...
Searching for a thousand more ways to say that
"Life is cruel and absurd",
That "it wasn't your turn",
but you're buried in dirt
while I'm still walking this earth.
Disgusted by the fucking world
if this is how it works.

Not a cliché.
Not a tear drop.
Not a cliché.
Not a tear drop.
You are forever.


Battling with faith
and it's hard to say if I'll ever see you again.
Not sure what I believe in the end,
but I'm at least confident
that I'll catch glimpses of you in contours of your sister's face
or your fiancées gaze upon any mention of your name.

You visited during prison bunk visions
so lucid and vivid
that it almost convinced me
for minutes
that you were still living.

But now I'm wide awake and a cynic.
Chewing on birthday cake and been livid.
Wishing that I could write a song to bring back the dead and fix all things wicked.

But I better leave this selfishness and let you rest.
See you again at the peak of Connecticut fall
when leaves turn red
or within that San Francisco fog
so thick it can blanket the bridges
and cover our damages.
I'll see you again
within the serenity of
Atlanta magnolias,
my friend.

Though I dreamt of fixing all wrongs..
unclogging lungs from blood clots...
Sometimes we're forced to stop
and appreciate moments we all got.
So I'll shut my mouth at last.
Surrender myself to the chaos.
It'll all go by so fast.
Beyond the end,
love you Rob.

credits

from Broken Bone Ballads, released April 7, 2015
for Rob Koziura
Bass by Enver Hampton
Horns by Danny T. Levin
Choral vocals by Poeina Suddarth

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Ceschi New Haven, Connecticut

Ceschi (pronounced chess-key) Ramos makes his own version of progressive hip hop spliced with elements of folk & indie rock. Although he has almost "mathy" technical rap abilities he's first and foremost a singer-songwriter at heart. Although one Ceschi song may consist of punk influenced machine gun fast raps, the next may be a quiet folk ballad played on acoustic guitar. ... more

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